Fairy Tale Central’s “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure” Fairy Tale Tag

Fairy Tale Tag. According to the Madi’s Musings Dictionary, this is the definition:

Fairy Tale Tag – Where one becomes a fairy tale protagonist and answers questions based on experiences and problems the majority of fairy tale protagonists face and posts said answers on a blog or other social media format.

So, I saw Fairy Tale Central‘s “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure” Fairy Tale Tag, and thought, “Why not?”. It looked fun and would perhaps stir my somewhat-faltering, lazy, and stubborn muses for a fairy tale retelling I plan to begin in a few months. What harm could it do?

Turns out, I have a lot bit of cynical, Evil Overlord in me. But, I found something in the deepest, most hidden away corner of my heart: regard for the poor souls who’ll read my answers to these questions. Also known as kindness.

Who knew?

Therefore, much to my internal evil overlord’s dismay, these questions are answered from an introverted fairy tale protagonist’s perspective, not the slightly (alright, very) cranky, grumpy, and introverted overlord who’d rather hole up in her hidden castle surrounded by books and weapons and maps and magical artifacts and two carefully-selected animal companions. Preferably a wolf and dragon.

Now, my internal evil overlord can be difficult to manage, so she might escape. You’ve been warned. Here’re the questions and answers.

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Your father the king has declared a contest for your hand in marriage. But he’s allowing you to decide what kind of competition it will be. What do you choose? Is there a penalty for losing, or do the losers just go home while the winner remains to marry you?

The competition will be comprised of three parts:

1) Sword fight/archery battle. After all, I’m not the type to laze my days away within the castle halls. While I don’t go looking for trouble, it’ll eventually find me. The guy’s gotta know some type of defense.

2) An intense, comprehensive quiz for those who survived Part One. I am selective about those I befriend; I’m quite picky about potential suitors. Coupled with resumes provided by multiple individuals in their kingdoms (servants, common folk, etc.), this should weed most of them out. I don’t have the time to sit face-to-face and interrogate the lot of them.

3) A service project. So the remaining individuals don’t waste my time with their yammering and ridiculous attempts at flattery (you never know who’s there just to try for the crown), they’ll do a service project. Whether that’s assisting Granny across the street, or helping an unknown commoner, the mighty will serve those they might think beneath them. Without their knowing, of course.

Regarding the penalty, those who lose must return to me the most comprehensive history book about their land. I want myths, legends, origins, and everything else. Knowledge is power, after all, and you never know when someone will turn into an enemy.

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You’ve just been told that you’re the Chosen One – the heir to your kingdom’s throne. Of course you demanded proof, but you didn’t expect quite so much of it to be brought forward. You grudgingly ask the state of the land. Your kingdom is at war with two neighboring kingdoms, a third kingdom is expecting your kingdom to ally with theirs and help them fight in agreement with an old treaty, there is famine in two counties in the north, and the barons of the kingdom are fighting over who will supply the palace with food for the next year. What do you do first?

Me? If this lot thinks I’m the Chosen One, they need glasses, their memories checked, and to find more suitable jobs for individuals so terribly disillusioned. Clearly the proof is fabricated. Nevertheless, I do love my kingdom, and will do my best to resolve these problems. I’ll first look into the famine and settle that issue posthaste. My people come first.

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You’ve set off to find your fortune but end up caught in a storm in the middle of the night in an enchanted forest…and there’s an ominous growl emitting from the trees. A warm looking cottage sits nearby but you’ve heard that questionable figures dwell in this wood. What’s your plan of action?

Cottage = people. People = nope, not happening. I’ll find a cave or overhang or something. Rather take my chances with the ominously growling beastie (who may have a secret or two if he’s in an enchanted forest…just saying) instead of people. I’m decent at defending myself, so I’m more worried about catching a cold than becoming a monster’s munchie.

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It is time to christen your dear new baby. It’s expected to invite the local fairies but they’re known for “gifting” babies with less-than-desirable characteristics (Ella Enchanted-style). Do you invite them anyway or “accidentally” forget to send out an invitation and risk the wrath of the petty (but powerful) fairy-kind upon your kingdom?

Why, of course I’d be delighted if you attended my baby’s christening. However, I don’t want my little darling to grow up spoiled by being the most attractive, intelligent, and gifted in the land. Would you be so kind as to impart a tad of the vast amount of wisdom you’ve acquired over the years? Framed or engraved on a plaque is preferred. My sweet little bundle of joy will get much farther in life if she’s guided by wisdom instead of gifts.

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Your fairy godmother grants the choice of three gowns for your one chance to meet the prince at the ball: a dress the color of the golden sun, a dress the color of the silver moon, or a dress the color of the sky. Which dress do you choose?

*glaring at the choices of wear* A dress makes my escape so much harder. But, for dear old fairy godmother (God bless her for her patience), I’ll wear the silver moon one.

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Your cursed beloved tells you that only when he marries a true-blood princess will he be set free. Do you choose to aid him by finding a princess that can set him free from his horrible curse? Or do you visit the witch of the forest and make a deal with her to become a princess – but you will only get to be with your prince one day a year.

Find him a real princess – but she mustn’t be spoiled, snotty, or a brat. He deserves a happy life.

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You’ve just completed a fairy tale adventure worthy to join the ranks of the world’s greatest legends. Alas, the kingdom’s most famous minstrel is also notorious for adding his own embellishments. Would you rather have your story lost to the world, your name and deeds forgotten, or to to be known as a hero throughout the land…just in a very inaccurate and mangled version of the story?

Lost to the world, please. That way no one pesters me with questions or requests to complete more adventures. I didn’t succeed by spreading my name throughout the lands, after all.

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You’ve just been approached by a man in a pointy hat who says you’re the chosen one destined to save a magical world. Before you enter the portal to this new world, you are allowed to take one piece of modern technology with you. What do you choose?

Does a firearm count as modern technology? No? Then a solar-powered reading device loaded with books. No guarantee I’ll be able to read the other world’s language, and reading helps me keep my sanity.

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Your parents have angered a powerful witch in your land, and she has chosen to strike out at you to punish your parents. However, since you weren’t the one who actually angered her, she’s letting you choose your own fate: 1) sleep for 100 years and leave your parents to die of old age while you sleep, 2) be locked alone in a faraway tower so your parents will never find you, 3) lose your voice so you’ll never be able to speak to your parents, or 4) give you a fatal golden touch so that you can’t hug your parents lest you turn them into statutes.

I’ll take number three, please. After all, it’s only my voice. Never said anything about sign language.

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You just found out that you have a twin, and you two were separated from birth because an ancient prophecy claimed one of you would bring ruin upon the kingdom. Are you the prophesied twin of ruin, or is it your brother/sister? How do you figure that out, and what do you and your twin decide to do about it?

I’m certain my younger sister, Little Stickyfingers, is the prophesied troublemaker. She has her title of “Notorious Thief of Chocolate, Bookmarks, and My Phone” for a reason. She claims it’s me, but since I’m the oldest, I’m right.

I’ll send her to a place outside the kingdom where she can eat chocolate to her heart’s content (within reason – don’t want her to have health issues). Stay where you are, shorty. I have my eye on you, and my candy bars and bookmarks are kept in a safe with a code you’ll never crack.

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Oops. I think my evil overlord escaped a few times. Ah, well. Not bad for my first blog tag. Anyway. Dear reader, I hope you found this amusing. I certainly did, though my sister is giving me a stink-eye right now. Clearly she doesn’t appreciate being a prophesied child of ruin.

Let me know what you’d answer, or stop by FTC’s post (linked above), and answer there.

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